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Ozone Commandos poster


What's on this site:


CPF on Facebook

CPF mailing list

CPF film reviews

The Captain Harlock Archives

The Ozone Commandos, the Comic Book

The Ozone Commandos Go to Hell

A Hoax Unveiled: The Christian Crusade to Stamp Out Science Fiction

The Saga of the Kronies: The Greatest Fan Story Ever Told

Upcoming CPF projects

What the FAQ is Corn Pone Flicks?

Get a clue! A note from Matt regarding CPF's fansubs

How to get on our bad side...a history of obnoxious rulebreakers

A quick rant from Eileen

This whole live-action vs. anime film thing

Do You Think You'd Like to Have a Blockbuster Up Your Ass?

CPF Main Page

CPF Filmography

CPF Bios

How to contact CPF


Other Links/Fave Places


Our Star Blazers-The Star Blazers/Space Battleship Yamato Fandom Archive

Anime Hell

Anime Weekend Atlanta

Lather's Blather, The Super-Hyper-Mega-Podcast

Anime Central

Mark's Record Reviews

Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal

Creationism vs. Science

Scientology, World's Stupidest Religion

Bad Religion

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the World

Apostrophes

The CPF Times

Corn Pone Flicks Presents Fourth Episode of CPF Reviews

CPF takes a look at the phenomena of the film you were too young to see, and saw anyway. Relive those terrifying nights spent hiding under the covers as we examine my personal childhood trauma, Ghost Story.





The Kronies are Coming!

Actually, the Kronies came and went many years ago, but their activities have been a secret, until now! Read about how a conspiracy which never really even existed nevertheless managed to bring down an entire convention. Be thankful that it wasn't yours (unless it was yours, in which case, well, that's what you get when you fuck with the Kronies). Click here to read about what some people (mostly us) have called "The Greatest Fan Story Ever Told."


 

Welcome to www.cornponeflicks.org!

We're ready and basically willing to receive all of your CPF acquisition needs. Feel free to browse through the new and up-to-date Filmography and Bios.  And don't forget to find out how to obtain copies of Corn Pone Flicks' stupidass movies for your own bad self.

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"Social" "Justice" "Activists" Launch New Campaign to End Prejudice

"Fuck the intolerant."

Bigoted, prejudiced disparagings of the less-advantaged will soon be thing of the past, according to online activists who have harnessed the power of placing a pound sign (#) in front of a phrase and then repeating it to end all social ills. Cleo, a twenty-one year-old gender studies major proudly wearing a T-shirt with bright, day-glo lettering across the bustline demanding you look elsewhere, sat down with this publication to outline her group's plan to bring about true equality. "Well, first of all," she began as if explaining litter box use to a cat, "we don't like to use the term 'activist' anymore, as it implicitly demonizes the lazy. People love to cloak themselves in this 'First Amendment' thing, and don't realize that words matter." She went on to elucidate how her special brand of online non-activism 'aimed to shame' anyone using language that would demean the dignity of women, people of color-which is nothing at all like 'colored people,' she assured me-gays, lesbians, transvestites, the transgendered, hermaphrodites, the vertically challenged, the unattractive, amputees, cyborgs, crazy people, the frighteningly stupid, those conviced against all reason that they are, in fact, a goat, and anyone else having to endure what the priviliged arrogantly call 'any kind of criticism.'

My query as to how she planned to implement this sweeping social justice reform provoked a look of disdain. "We don't like to call it 'social justice' anymore. It's an unfair slander to the antisocial and the unjust." When asked if terms such as 'racist' and 'misogynist' also carried inherent discrimination against the mean-spirited and insecure, however, she abruptly ended the interview and ran from the office shouting "Patriarchy!" at anyone who would or wouldn't listen.

In a related story, the offices of the CPF Times shortly thereafter received an email from a man describing himself as "not Cleo's boyfriend, nor in any way trying to impress my way into her pants," calling me a rape apologist, before hastily returning to his daily task of writing extensive blog posts sincerely apologizing for being born as a straight white male.

Area Man Convinced by FBI Warning Not to Pirate Movie

"Apparently, it's wrong."

Twenty-five year-old Dopi McFucsmokerr of Some Meth Lab, Mississippi had a recent epiphany when encountering, seemingly for the first time, the anti-piracy warning forced onto the front of a DVD he'd borrowed from the unlocked trailer of a neighbor who was away on holiday. "The message offered me the opportunity to stop watching the disc and instead go and look up a website where I could be lectured on how I'm a bad person, so I figured, what the heck. Now, I feel seriously rebuked. I'd been all set to copy that movie, but this "copyright law" thing is apparently in place to protect the rights of creators and distributors from lowlifes like me, and it was like an awakening." Slightly stunned FBI representatives championed this admission as a vindication for the sum total of approximately two and a half billion hours their unskippable warnings have thus far wasted out of the lives of average movie viewers across the nation. "From a purely statistical standpoint, it simply had to work eventually, for somebody someday," senior Easily Ignored Propaganda Director Ira Scribivers crowed at the announcement. "Perhaps we should add a synthesized J. Edgar Hoover voice reading the warning out loud for all of those miscreants who stick in the disc and then wander off to grab a snack or use the toilet before the menu appears. With that in place, we're almost guaranteed to have another positive influence such as this before the sun burns out."

McFucsmokerr attributed the success of this warning to the fact the he was watching an actual, legitimately purchased DVD, noting that bootleggers pretty much never upload versions including the FBI warning on bittorrent sites. "I see it as a positive step forward. If only they'd considered placing 'No robbing' signs outside of banks, or 'No shooting people' advisories at The Apple Store, my life might be so different now."


Previous articles

Leper Jim Wonders Why He's Still on This Page

Leper Jim Remarks "I'm totally irrelevant!"

Jim (AP Newswire)

Failed cultural icon Leper Jim is flabbergasted at his continued appearance on the CPF website's news page, as he has featured in no actual CPF news since 1997. "The last time anyone mentioned my name, people still thought Y2K was a real issue. Move on, people."

Here's a quick guide to what the site is all about:

First, this News page here will contain important information regarding the site, and the very latest from the CPF crew themselves. Commonly read (we hope) editorials, instruction pages, special reports, and links to other sites are referenced in the far left sidebar.

The Filmography page contains a listing of all of Corn Pone Flicks' projects in a list form. Clicking on a title from the list pops up a window with exquisite detail about each work, some of which is even true. The Filmography page also includes a link to up-to-date information regarding upcoming CPF projects.

The About CPF page contains biographical and other information about the cast of characters that makes up the gestalt of zaniness known as Corn Pone Flicks.

The Contact page is VERY VERY important. Okay, it used to be. Now it's just basically there for anyone who wants to get in touch for whatever reason, since most of our films are available online. If you do want physical copies for some reason, though, this is the place to go.

The CPF Reviews page contains all the info you need on what films you ought to like or dislike in order to be at all cool.

The Captain Harlock Archives is our newest section, providing all the info you ever wanted to know about Captain Harlock and related series, buttressed between mounds of trivia you never cared about knowing. If you read something elsewhere that seems to contradict what you read in here, it's only because the other source is wrong.

The CPF Mailing List is a place to go to if you want to blather about our crap (or at least listen to us do so) and/or ask questions and such. Someday, one of the fifty-odd current members who aren't actually in CPF might actually ask some, so be there when it happens!!

The CPF F.A.Q. contains additional info the curious reader might wish to peruse regarding what we do and why. So don't say we never talk to you.