If your attention span just won't allow for twenty-four hour-long episodes, this is the film for you! Same plot in an infinitesimal fraction of the time!
Return to Videography Main Page
Even death cannot stop the genius of Stanley Kubrick! Even a total absence of death cannot impart competence to Mick Garris! Now, the forces of something good and something kind of stupid collide! Who will emerge the victor? Yes, we know this film makes no sense!
Return to Videography Main Page
The Astounding Adventure of Feathers the Husky (13 min) - 2016
Every dog has his day, or night, as the case may be. A delightful bedtime story with only the tiniest whiff of drug use and profanity. Dedicated to our dear departed pets Sam and Marta. May you live on in a place where dogs and cats are revered as gods-the internet.
Return to Videography Main Page
Finished in the final hours (or maybe just 45 minutes) before Project
A-Kon VIII in 1997, B.O.A. is probably the best film ever made in the
giant-snake-attacking-a-bunch-of-stupid-people-genre (though it only attacks one person.)
Oh yeah, and Christianity is stupid.
Notes From Gavv:
Ingenious ways of using a rubber snake and a backyard to produce great
effects, even without Ice Cube!
Notable Quotes:
"In a snake, no one can hear you scream!"
Return to Videography Main Page
The Bicycle Thief (2 min) - 1998
New from Europe, home of obscurantist "classics" no one likes
watching but everyone likes referencing! "Classic" tale of woe and triumph, in
many acts!
Notes from Gavv:
Roberto Benigni was passed over for the part of the bicycle owner. His
aim wasn't good enough.
Return to Videography Main Page
What was that? Something about how the falcon cannot hear the falconer?
And it gimbles and gyres in the widening wabe? Yet another example of the pornography of
brinksmanship.
Notes from Gavv:
Any true description of this would give away the whole joke, so enjoy
the frolicking dancing pixies and caesar-salad oil-wrestling.
Return to Videography Main Page
My best friend is a dead guy. A sexy ex-girlfriend (that I swear is less
sexy than my current girlfriend, who therefore shouldn't hit me) lounges in bed and acts
badly. Stuff ensues. I made it for film class, what do you want for nothing? Rubber
biscuit?
Notes from Gavv:
Nice horror short featuring music from Sonic Youth.
Further notes from Matt:
Not original music from Sonic Youth. We ain't that cool.
Return to Videography Main Page
The Captain Harlock Overview Series
The New World Galaxy Express Dub (13 min.)
- 2015
The ZIV/Malibu Harlock Dub (12 min.) - 2015
Captain Harlock and the Queen of 1000 Years (13 min.) - 2015
The 2013 Space Pirate Captain Harlock CG film (13 min.) - 2016
A series of critiques on the earlier dub jobs with which the character of Captain Harlock was afflicted on these here shores (unless you live outside America, in which case it's somebody else's shores entirely). Cringe at the acting! Wince at the editing! Learn why you and everybody else are wrong about the name of the blond in Galaxy Express 999! Bitch about the Star Wars prequels some more, in case you've forgotten to do so in the last five minutes! It's not relevant, but when did that ever stop you?
An oldie but a doodie. Of interest mainly to parapsychologists and
bishops, and then only because those people have no idea what the hell they're talking
about. The title pretty much says it all. See director Matt Murray's first
effort delving into animation vs. live-action mondo scenes fighting! Based on the shocking true story of a man who lied about meeting with God! Filmed in four days, this CPF parody of Waterworld becomes even
more brilliant when you learn (as you just have [or rather, will just have, when these
parentheses end]) it was shot before Waterworld came out. Now digitally remastered to be shorter and even more chock-full o' effects! Probably the first complete Corn Pone Short that in my opinion pulled
everything together and shows what CPF could be truly capable of. Brilliant use of light
box (pre-computer thingamagee) and luma key SFX, good pacing and direction, the prop
construction genius of Matt Buffington, and of course off-the-wall writing. A no-doubt
must see.
Return to Videography Main Page
Captain Harlock vs. Han Solo
(7 min) - 1989
Notes From Gavv:
Return to Videography Main Page
A Christian Conversion... (5 min) - 1999
Return to Videography Main Page
Notes from Gavv:
Notable Quotes:
"Oh no, not...death!"
"Joooooooones!"
"I'm not going to see New Harbor, am I sarge?"
Click for more details
Return to Videography Main Page
|
The Danger Highway Series I swear to god, I hate cops to
the max. The sure hand of editor Che Guevara (pre-beret years) is seen in the rapid
Eisensteinian montage. Shades of Lysenkoist dialectical materialism are also present,
though largely subsumed under the rubric of VASKhNIL dogmatism. Somewhere between
"Twilight Zone" episodes and driver's education films. |
|
Desslok's Big Score (1 min) - 1999
Go, baby, go! He's one baaad blood sucka.
Download the source of our inspiration
Return to Videography Main Page
Dig Dug: The Movie (1 min) - 2002
I don't care what anyone says, video games are the best inspiration for movies ever! If you don't believe me, just look at that Resident Evil movie! You might, in fact, be the first person to do so!
Too young to remember Dig Dug?
Return to Videography Main Page
The Eighth Element (1 min) - 1997
Topical humor which, like Not Necessarily the News or Gold
Diggers of 1933, was outdated by the time it was shot. At least people die.
Original trailer can be found here for clarification purposes.
Return to Videography Main Page
George Lucas: Age
9--Special Edition (15 min) - 1997
C'mon! You're a geek, you like Star Wars. Watch it.
Return to Videography Main Page
Flexible Metal Hose
Co. 
Vs. The Universe (1 min) - 1993
You may not understand how, but the title is literally true.
Notable Quotes:
"It's flexible. It's metal. It's a hose. It's flexible metal hose."
Return to Videography Main Page
Your key to quality literature...and every Hollywood film of the past
million years.
Notable Quotes:
"Is it in any way harmless?"
Return to Videography Main Page
Great Stories From the Bible (4 min) - 2000
One of a continuing series, part of our effort to become latter-day
Cecil B. Demilleses. Read Ezra 2:5 and Nehemiah 7:10, just for yuks.
Return to Videography Main Page
A
Highly Moral Tale for the Benefit and Erudition of Today's Disenfranchised and F***ed-Up Youth (2 min) - 1997
Do you think you'd like to have a blockbuster up your ass? Do you think
you'd like that? Huh? Motherfucker?
Notable Quotes:
"You want this dang thing? It's a penny!"
Return to Videography Main Page
|
Indiana Jones and the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald (6 min) - 2000 It is our humble opinion that certain big-ass-budget films about sinking
boats got a wee too much hoopla. Why is Indiana Jones in this? Hell, why is Bill Paxton in
Titanic? Huh? Why? Originally conceived of as "a break from all that tedious effects work on Ozone Commandos," because we're terribly deluded folks. |
In
the Realm of the Ants (1 min) - 1999
Good things come in threes...and now that we've made this film, so do
Hollywood disaster epics about meteorites/CG ants and their wacky adventures.
Return to Videography Main Page
The
Jar of
Screaming Blood
(2 min) - 2002
Based on the bestselling novel, "Screaming Tombs of the Deadly Living," it's a horror flick featuring swiped Sonic Youth music! One might almost think the last ten years just never happened!
Return to Videography Main Page
So then Costner made this film called The Postman, which no one remembers, and we made this right afterwards, in the five-minute window during which anyone could hope to get the joke, which is why you don't get it today. Features a dog playing a horse.
Return to Videography Main Page
Ozone Commandos
Trailer and Sneak Preview (3 min, 7 min) - 1994, 1995
You can read the signs. Did we mention this film isn't finished yet? Well, part 1 is, but there's little hope for part 2. Neither part looks much like this, including the imaginary part 2, due to the enormous strides in technology that have occurred since we began shooting, back around when the dinos went extinct.
Never read Ozone Commandos? Here's a few issues right here! And a few more right here!
Ozone Commandos production diary
Return to Videography Main Page
Ozone Commandos trailer 2 (2 min) - 2009
Hot on the heels of the first trailer, made just fifteen years before, it's a new promo to herald the imminent completion of the actual film, long after everyone's stopped caring at all. Contains more outright lies than the last one, in a language you don't speak!
Return to Videography Main Page
Pale Blue Dot (7 min) - 2002
Sequel to Deep Brown Swamp. Makes no sense if you've seen that film,
but makes even less if you haven't. Dick Laurant is dead.
|
Corn Pone Flicks' 10 helpful hints to understanding this film! |
I don't see what these cellphone enthusiasts are whining about. A little
brain cancer never killed anybody. At least, nobody worth mentioning.
PONG (5 min) - 2001 Proof positive that the Seventies Preservation Society must be cut down at the roots...contains fake sideburns, and some girls. My arm was flayed open when I made this. You could see the bone. What can you do? Aliens are stomping your grass and probing your ass! See the original trailer here if you can't tell what the hell this video is supposed to be in our modern times. Now if only Tom Cruise would do the Speed Racer movie.... Another product from Jigoku no Video. Ever wanted to see loser teenagers make fun of loser adults? A film made
before we owned a camera, or brains. Three million credits worth of Whitey's ice, and baby, that's cold! You know that bit in Judge Dredd where Armand Assante says
"Send in the clones!" and then nothing happens because they edited that scene
out? You know the part I'm talking about? Jesus Christ, that was stupid.
Notable Quotes:
"Jack Sarsparilla, motherfuckin' demon exterminator."
Return to Videography Main Page
Return to Videography Main Page
Return to Videography Main Page
Signs of a Gullible-Ass Public (1.5 min) - 2002
For the less gullible....
Return to Videography Main Page
Speedy Days of Racing Thunder (3 min) - 1991
(Update from ten years later) Well, it didn't happen. Fuck!
Notes from Gavv:
Return to Videography Main Page
Sgt. Powerful and the America Gang (7 min) - 1990
Notable Quotes:
"Hey look! A guy who probably doesn't like football!"
Return to Videography Main Page
Star Wars episode XXXVII (2 min) - 2002
Return to Videography Main Page
