What's on this site: The Ozone Commandos, the Comic Book The Ozone Commandos go to Hell What the FAQ is Corn Pone Flicks? Get a clue! A note from Matt regarding
CPF's fansubs How to get on our bad side...a history of obnoxious rulebreakers This whole live-action vs. anime film thing Do You Think You'd Like to Have a Blockbuster Up Your Ass? Other Links/Fave Places Committee for the Scientific Investigation of Claims of the Paranormal Scientology, World's Stupidest Religion |
The
CPF Times The Ozone Commandos want YOU...
...to read about their exciting and misanthropic adventures! Yes, the original comic book that the long-belated movie was to be based upon is now available for consumption right here on cornponeflicks.org, because it's so much easier than printing and binding copies to mail out, and also because it's a bone to throw to the two or so people out there who were still hoping to see the film version. Three issues are up for thrill-a-minute reading right here, and their final adventure can be found here. Important Announcement We have a new email address now, as the old one was getting nothing but spam. I will no longer be checking the old one after a brief period, so if you've written before, be sure to check out the new address before writing again. (All addresses, email and USPS, can be found via the Contact page.) Corn Pone Shorts vol. 1 DVD on Indefinite Hold This should've been available months ago, but it's failed to become so because, in short, technology sucks. I don't know at this point if it will ever see the light of day, only that it won't be through any efforts of mine. Other hands have taken over the project, so it's up to them, now. Star Dipwads: Arrivederci Human Race and A Star Dipwads Christmas now available on DVD After several misfires and random catastrophes, these two early CPF films are now available on one disc, including director's commentary, deleted crap, and a few other bonuses. Featuring completely over-designed menus! (For future reference, if a title isn't designated "available on DVD," it's not available at all. This is very simple, so don't pretend that it isn't.) UFO Robo Grandizer vs Great Mazinger and New as of 1/3/05-More downloads available for CPF shorts! Nearly all of the CPF Shorts library is now available for download in high and lower quality versions. New, high-quality versions of shorts previously offered are available, including PONG, Flexible Metal Hose Co. vs The Universe, and new films such as The Jar of Screaming Blood and Signs of a Gullible-Ass Public are also just a click and an annoying wait away! Note: We seem to be having trouble with our server speed at present, so if it takes too long to download from here, several of the shorts can be found here on Google video. For a full listing of all versions and titles, see the Shorts section of the filmography.
|
|||||||||
"Alternative" Therapist Indicted for Incompetence"Death's an alternative," he arguesSelf-described "alternative therapist" Davey Lighttripper has been arrested in connection with several cases involving former patients of his, who have, in the words of the county coroner, "turned stiff and smelly." Mr. Lighttripper, who was born with a more sensible name which he has since changed, eschews traditional methods of experimentation and peer review in the process of manufacturing his alleged remedies, citing such reasons as "it takes too long" and "nature is better, except for the copious examples of poisonous plants and herbs that'll drop you dead as a doornail in seconds." After twenty-seven former patients abandoned their medically prescribed drugs in favor of Lighttripper's tastier and cheaper treatments, and died really horribly in what might have been mere coincidence, the young goateed man with no certification to speak of was charged with whatever could be made to stick and will hopefully be found really intensely guilty. "I really don't see what problem people have with alternative medicine," the young negligent contributor to mass tragedy remarks in a typical pothead drawl. "These drugs have no side effects whatsoever!" The absence of any effects of any kind, however, was dismissed by the stinky hippie as being part of a large medical conspiracy, the precise nature of which he was unable to pin down, even under ruthless interrogation. Vatican Makes Concession Regarding Da Vinci Code Movie"After two millennia, it's time to play fair."In what many analysts have termed a "bowel-shakingly surprising move," the Vatican has extended an olive branch in reference to the film version of Dan Brown's bestselling book. In exchange for disclaimers placed at the film's beginning describing it as "a fictional interpretation of popularly accepted religious issues," the aging institution has agreed to insert similar disclaimers at the beginning of the Bible, admitting it to be "a rather spurious collection of nonsense we hold dear in total disregard to its likelihood of any accuracy whatsoever." "We had hoped at first that the film's producers would agree to disclaim their version of sacred events out of respect for our longstanding and loudmouthed traditions," explained the Pontiff. "But then we realized that we would be flaming hypocrites if we didn't make a similar caveat for those who might disagree with or be offended by our beliefs, so we've decided to meet them halfway." The new Bibles are scheduled to hit the shelves this fall, and are expected to finally knock the bestselling mainstay off the top spot at long last. In a separate but related story, a team of top geologists announced this morning that Hell had frozen over. In addition, the Pope was quick to add, unasked, that "birth control is still a sin, because malnourished, unwanted children are God's favorite people. Don't fuck with God." |
 |
Corn Pone Flicks reconsiders mass migration to DVD.Leper Jim Remarks "Huh?"
After a couple of years working on these DVDs, we've noticed two things: One, they're harder to make properly than we thought, and two, no one is requesting the ones we've already done anyway, because the old SASE method has seriously given way to direct downloads. This, then, may be where we'll be focusing our future efforts. Here's a quick guide to what the site is all about: First, this News page here will contain important information regarding the site, and the very latest from the CPF crew themselves. Commonly read (we hope) editorials, instruction pages, special reports, and links to other sites are referenced in the far left sidebar. The Filmography page contains a listing of all of Corn Pone Flicks' projects in a list form. Clicking on a title from the list pops up a window with exquisite detail about each work, some of which is even true. The Filmography page also includes a link to up-to-date information regarding upcoming CPF projects. The About CPF page contains biographical and other information about the cast of characters that makes up the gestalt of zaniness known as Corn Pone Flicks. The Contact page is VERY VERY important. It includes ALL THE DETAILS about how one should contact Corn Pone Flicks and request copies of their films. Please, please read this section carefully! The CPF elder gods are extremely busy and following these guidelines helps immensely when it comes to the time it takes to get tapes done. If you're a dumbass, please get someone who's not to handle the contact arrangements. The CPF Reviews page contains all the info you need on what films you ought to like or dislike in order to be at all cool. A new section, which will likely grow as we keep yapping. The Captain Harlock Archives is our newest section, providing all the info you ever wanted to know about Captain Harlock and related series, buttressed between mounds of trivia you never cared about knowing. If you read something elsewhere that seems to contradict what you read in here, it's only because the other source is wrong. The CPF Mailing List is a place to go to if you want to blather about our crap (or at least listen to us do so) and/or ask questions and such. Someday, one of the fifty-odd current members who aren't actually in CPF might actually ask some, so be there when it happens!! The CPF F.A.Q. contains additional info the curious reader might wish to peruse regarding what we do and why. So don't say we never talk to you.
|
||||||||
(AP Newswire)