Employee of the Month!
December 2008
Stamp out science fiction NOW!
Dr. P. R. LeNado

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Anime Central

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Creationism vs. Science

Scientology, World's Stupidest Religion

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Apostrophes

The CPF Times

Ozone Commandos film back in production

Oh, sure, we've only been working on this film since nineteen-ninety-freaking-two, but nevertheless, CPF's most ambitious and yet least existent film is back in production once again, after a really crappy Macintosh (a redundant term if ever there was one) ate several months' worth of work back in 2003. With luck, part one should be completable by the end of 2008. You know, maybe. At least the light at the end of that tunnel is in sight at last. (Read more....)

New Email Address, and Some New Old Stuff

Finally ditched that spam-o-riffic Earthlink address, so if you want to write us, check the Contact page for the new one. I've also finished a new music vid (the first I've done in about eight years, and the last I'm likely to do) to V for Vendetta. Right-click and select "Save target (or link) as" to download from our obnoxiously slow server, or go here to watch it. I've also added links to download a few of the older videos from the filmography page. There's also a new feature here where you can view most of the short films streaming from their respective sections; check out the Shorts section to see which ones are available.

The Ozone Commandos want YOU...

...to read about their exciting and misanthropic adventures! Yes, the original comic book that the long-belated movie was to be based upon is now available for consumption right here on cornponeflicks.org, because it's so much easier than printing and binding copies to mail out, and also because it's a bone to throw to the two or so people out there who were still hoping to see the film version. Three issues are up for thrill-a-minute reading right here, and their final adventure can be found here.

This page lists everything we have made, not everything that is presently available. Right now, only films that have been converted to DVD or are up for download can be gotten from us, and all films so available are marked accordingly. This is very simple, so don't pretend that it isn't.
Presently available for order on DVD:

Star Dipwads: Arrivederci Human Race and A Star Dipwads Christmas double DVD (About this title)

UFO Robo Grandizer vs Great Mazinger and
Mazinger Z vs Devilman double DVD (About this title)

Corn Pone Shorts vol. 1 DVD Coming Any Day Now

This should've been available a year and a half ago, but it's failed to become so because, in short, technology sucks. Reconstruction has finally been completed, and I'm awaiting the final version, re-authored by Neil Nadleman.

Majority of short films collection available for download or stream

Nearly all of the CPF Shorts library is available for download in high and lower quality versions. Note: We seem to be having trouble with our server speed at present, so if it takes too long to download from here, many of the shorts can viewed via streaming video from their entries in the Shorts section of the filmography, which has made the shitty-looking Google versions happily irrelevant.

Also, check out the ever-growing CPF film reviews section, updated usually once a week. Or, you know, less.

Welcome to www.cornponeflicks.org!

We're ready and basically willing to receive all of your CPF acquisition needs. Feel free to browse through the new and up-to-date Filmography and Bios. And don't forget to find out how to obtain copies of Corn Pone Flicks' stupidass movies for your own bad self.

Success of The Secret Book and DVD Causes Repeal of All Criminal Law

"Don't blame us; blame yourself," says author

The overwhelming success of Rhonda Byrne's New Age tough-love version of karma has caused the government of the US, well established as the gullibility capitol of the western Milky Way, to re-evaluate its legal system. "We'd been pursuing this archaic practice of punishing criminals for the crimes they'd supposedly committed against society," remarked a characteristically smug Justice Scalia. "But it light of this 'Secret' coming into the popular consciousness, we realized that we had it all backwards. The Law of Attraction shows that people invariably get exactly what they deserve. People don't want to be criminals. They're forced into those roles by the negative thoughts of all those depressed assholes out there."

Justice Alito was similarly bowled over by this remarkable revelation. "I never knew there were all these magnetic vibrations and shit going on," he remarked in a recent CNN interview. "We'd been assuming all along that criminals had motives for crime, when in fact it's not their fault at all. People who are killed, robbed, stabbed painfully, or set on fire are just asking for it. If anything, we should punish the victims."

In a related story, Rhonda Byrne was eaten by rats, presumably because she ought to have been.

Conservative Groups Furious Over 'Gravity Agenda'

"How much more liberal commie crap are we expected to buy into?" demands pundits' union

Normally admirable paragon of restraint Bill O'Reilly burst several blood vessels and his spleen as he tore into what he called "a blatant lefty fact-mangling pile of fuck" on his popular talk show this week."It's not enough that you want us to buy this notion of climate change," he railed at a small, balding entymologist. "Now you're going so far as to call this 'gravity' charade of yours a 'law.' What is gravity? Is it a wave? Is it a particle? See-turn off his mike-see, they can't tell you, but oh boy, do they insist you buy into it anyway."

Misunderstood visionary genius Pat Robertson echoed O'Reilly's sentiments. "I'd like to see some kind of evidence for this lie of Satan before we start teaching it to our children. Things fall towards the Earth because God flings them there. He flung down Babel, He flung down Skylab, and He'll fling you down when you're showing off on your skateboard, because God hates a showoff."

Democratic Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi could not be reached for comment, probably because she's too busy sleeping with Hitler.

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Previous articles

CPF Director Jilted by Girlfriend, Dog Over Weed Issue.

Leper Jim Remarks "Dude!"

Jim (AP Newswire)

Years of pot smoking have taken their toll on CPF's resident director, as both his dog and significant diddle buddy have moved on to less green pastures. "I always knew that dog was an elitist snob," Jim remarked between puffs. "But I never figured my gal would skip off to bone an extraterrestrial. That's just wrong." Said girlfriend was heard to remark, "I saw it in a badly-animated ad on the TV...what else could I do?"
Scientists have expressed doubts over the genuine nature of the bug-eyed alien.

Here's a quick guide to what the site is all about:

First, this News page here will contain important information regarding the site, and the very latest from the CPF crew themselves. Commonly read (we hope) editorials, instruction pages, special reports, and links to other sites are referenced in the far left sidebar.

The Filmography page contains a listing of all of Corn Pone Flicks' projects in a list form. Clicking on a title from the list pops up a window with exquisite detail about each work, some of which is even true. The Filmography page also includes a link to up-to-date information regarding upcoming CPF projects.

The About CPF page contains biographical and other information about the cast of characters that makes up the gestalt of zaniness known as Corn Pone Flicks.

The Contact page is VERY VERY important. It includes ALL THE DETAILS about how one should contact Corn Pone Flicks and request copies of their films. Please, please read this section carefully! The CPF elder gods are extremely busy and following these guidelines helps immensely when it comes to the time it takes to get tapes done. If you're a dumbass, please get someone who's not to handle the contact arrangements.

The CPF Reviews page contains all the info you need on what films you ought to like or dislike in order to be at all cool. A new section, which will likely grow as we keep yapping.

The Captain Harlock Archives is our newest section, providing all the info you ever wanted to know about Captain Harlock and related series, buttressed between mounds of trivia you never cared about knowing. If you read something elsewhere that seems to contradict what you read in here, it's only because the other source is wrong.

The CPF Mailing List is a place to go to if you want to blather about our crap (or at least listen to us do so) and/or ask questions and such. Someday, one of the fifty-odd current members who aren't actually in CPF might actually ask some, so be there when it happens!!

The CPF F.A.Q. contains additional info the curious reader might wish to peruse regarding what we do and why. So don't say we never talk to you.